But it's also tough, she adds, because once you're on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he'll-call sort of way.So how can you make post-divorce dating—whether you're looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man—less daunting?
That said, don't let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to.Says Gadoua, "too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date." Be upfront and respectful, but don't apologize for wanting to date.Leaving behind someone whom you have promised a lifetime together is probably not the easiest thing to do.Especially if there are properties, businesses, and children involved.Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says.
Accept invitations to parties."While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood—and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. You've decided to start dating—isn't that your "intention" right there? "Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills, too." And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!
And it is okay, although acceptance may have to come later. Doubtful about the instances where divorce is better than staying together? Having arguments and misunderstandings with someone that you have been living with for quite some time can be draining, especially because you live under the same roof with this person, and they are the first and last image that you view on a daily basis.
This exhaustion is bound to reflect on your whole outlook in life, at work, toward your children.
A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! Possibly the last time you dated there wasn't even an Internet, much less Internet dating.
But if you were thinking that searching for companionship online is strictly for losers or perverts, forget it—that's as outmoded as dial-up.
Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man's intellectual stimulation.